I have an eating disorder. Are you shocked? Surprised? Did you already know? Well I didn’t expect you to know that fact about me. It’s not written on my forehead, my license, or my facebook wall, but I still have an eating disorder. So do 11 million Americans, and millions of others worldwide. I want you to understand how prevalent and dangerous eating disorders are as well as reveal the impact of today’s media on eating disorders. First I will tell you my story…
For nineteen years I was lost. Lost in the small homogenous town I grew up in, lost in a family that did not make me feel like a valued member, and lost in my heart, body and mind.
My senior year of high school I applied early decision to college. I was in a mad rush to be free of my high school and home life and did not consider my decision wisely. As quickly as I arrived at college, I quickly fell into a deep depression. I felt lost in a sea of students that spent most of their day gossiping about others, drinking at fraternity parties, and sleeping through classes. This overwhelming feeling of loneliness started to manifest itself in my body. I stopped eating. I thought that being dreadfully thin would make me feel happy and whole. I believed I would be the envy of every girl, and the object of desire to every boy. I was wrong. I looked emaciated. I took this obsession to an extreme and lost more than thirty pounds by the end of my freshman year. I was anorexic.
That summer I was admitted into a rehab facility in Arizona. My parents were concerned for my life, and I finally felt that they noticed me and cared. I spent two months learning to re-feed myself. I cried daily, worried that gaining weight would mean that I would not be loved by others and that I could not love myself. I also did intensive therapy to understand the underlining issues as to why I felt so empty and defined my self-worth around my body. I left treatment at the same weight as I had entered. I was not ready to give up my fight to be noticed and envied. Like many individuals with eating disorders I was not ready to start loving my heart, body, and mind.
Since that summer I have successfully regained weight and found more happiness within myself and in my relationships with others. Everyday I must remind myself that I am the only one who can make me feel fulfilled, worthy, and happy. My destiny is truly in my hands. I believe that it was necessary for me to become fatally sick in order to become healthy. Everyday I am discovering who I am, and I believe that sometimes it takes feeling completely lost to be found.
No, anorexia is no longer a part of my life. Neither is depression. But I do still have an eating disorder. I am a binge eater. I overeat when I feel lonely, anxious, annoyed, and even happy. I am working with a therapist and several doctors to try to establish normal eating habits and address the underlying issues as to why I binge, but it’s not easy.
My on-going struggle with an eating disorder has motivated me to inform others about eating disorders and motivate individuals to donate money to eating disorder research and help others who are struggling. I want you all to know how debilitating an eating disorder is physically and emotionally. An eating disorder can lead to very serious health complications even death.
Look at this image, this girl is anorexic. In this picture she weighed 70 pounds and was told that she only had 10 days to live. Do you think she is healthy? No she is not. Would you trust her to fly an airplane? Be your doctor? Or be the next U.S. president? No, I didn’t think you would. And rightfully so! Anorexia and eating disorders rob individuals of their ability think, move, speak, and live! Imagine your best friend like this. Please don’t think that this will never happen to someone important to you, because it can. It happened to me. It happened to her. And it happens to millions of others worldwide. Isn’t it frightening? Wouldn’t you want to help a friend before they became this sick? Wouldn’t you want to help a friend escape death? I think you would. So now you are probably wondering, “what should I do?” I really wish I had a simple answer. Sure you could donate to an eating disorder fund, or help someone suffering from an eating disorder by talking to him/her or taking him/her to a doctor. But I can tell you first hand, that this probably won’t work.
Having an eating disorder I understand that people with eating disorders do not believe they are sick, and others’ caring words and efforts are not heard. Individuals with eating disorders essentially live in their own little lonely world. We, disordered individuals, are spoken to by the one person who has our best concerns in mind. I guess one could call him our “God”. His name is Ed (eating disorder). But we don’t think of him as destructive, he loves us, he tells us “You are beautiful when you don’t eat or when you purge” or “You will be loved if you are the thinnest person in the room”. While Ed’s ‘loving’ words seem inane to a non-eating disordered individual, they are completely logical to sufferers.
Disordered individuals see themselves as fat or obese when in fact they are emaciated.
Their entire self-perception is warped.
While in rehab I often heard the terms “Pro-Ana” and “Pro-Mia”. I had no idea what they meant. When I left rehab and got home I spent hours everyday browsing the Internet for the latest low-calorie, low-fat, and low-carb recipes. Browsing the foodnetwork and cookinglight websites alleviated the hunger pangs in my stomach and the fears of gaining weight in my head. Remember, even after rehab I was not well. One day instead of browsing recipes I decided to google “Pro-Ana”. Sure enough I was overwhelmed with a myriad of websites that spoke to my innermost thoughts: the hunger pains, the fears, the desire to be wafer-thin, and Ed. I was no longer alone. Millions of people (mostly girls) were dealing with the very same issues as me and these sites offered a type of solace that I had only experienced through browsing recipes. That solace was support.
“Thousands of isolated young women today are turning to the Web for help as they struggle with eating disorders, but the kind of support they are finding when they type “anorexia” or “eating disorder” into a search engine may be more harmful than helpful” (Zwerling). Website
These websites offer tips on fasting, purging, diet pills, starvation, exercise, and more. Users blog about their desires to be perfect, loved, in control, and thin thin thin. This is an example of the way a Pro-Ana/Mia/Ed website draws in an audience:
“I am the only person who can tell you the truth. Everyone else lies to you because they love you but I’m going to tell you a secret: in the depths of their heart, they are disappointed with what has happened to you. Their talented girl has become fat and lazy. But I am going to change all that!” (Stevens) Website
The goal of these websites is to convince individuals that they are nothing without an eating disorder and an eating disorder is healthy.
While I found some solace and support in the Pro-Ana/Mia/Ed websites, I was also saddened to read the pains of others. I understand how debilitating an eating disorder is, what it feels like to hide yourself from others, pretend to eat, etc., so naturally I wished for health for the sufferers like myself. Although I am afflicted with an eating disorder, I am fortunate to recognize that my behaviors and the disordered behaviors of others are NOT healthy. I do not think Pro-Ana/Mia/Ed websites offer real support to sufferers. The websites enable sickness. Therefore I believe they should be banned. There is hope: France has taken a step forward by banning Pro-Ana/Mia/Ed websites:
Internet sites and blogs which peddle the gospel of an “anorexic lifestyle” to teenage girls were outlawed by the French parliament yesterday. The law is the first attempt anywhere in the world to stamp out the “pro-ana” movement, a cult-like attempt to promote anorexia as a lifestyle which began in the United States eight years ago.
If, as expected, the legislation is also approved by the Senate, it will become a criminal offence in France “to encourage another person to seek excessive thinness… which could expose them to a risk of death or endanger their health”. Offenders risk two years in prison or a €30,000 (£24,000) fine.
Although the law would also apply to magazines, it is mostly aimed at internet sites and blogs which have sprung up in France in the past two years. These sites, which also exist in the UK, worship extremely thin female celebrities, including Nicole Richie and Victoria Beckham.
The French Health Minister, Roselyne Bachelot, told parliament: “Giving young girls advice about how to lie to their doctors, telling them what kinds of food are easiest to vomit, encouraging them to torture themselves whenever they take any kind of food is not part of liberty of expression. The messages sent out here are messages of death.”
A typical French blog, Be Perfect, Be Pro Ana, carries a long letter signed “your future best friend Ana”. It encourages teenage girls to refuse food, to make themselves sick and to take laxatives in order to match the body shape of their “thinspirations” such as Richie and Beckham.
“I am the only person who can tell you the truth,” the blog says. “Everyone else lies to you because they love you but I’m going to tell you a secret: in the depths of their heart, they are disappointed with what has happened to you. Their talented girl has become fat and lazy. But I am going to change all that!”
The law’s author, the centre-right deputy Valérie Boyer, says that between 30,000 and 40,000 people in France have anorexia. Most are girls or young women aged between 12 and 13 or 18 and 19. Anorexia, she says, kills more people in France each year than any other mental disorder.
At the same time, Mme Boyer and the Health Minister have drawn up a “voluntary charter on bodily image and anorexia”. French advertisers, model agencies and prêt-à-porter fashion houses have agreed to sign the charter and to “refuse to publish images, especially of young people, which could promote an ideal of extreme thinness.”
But will the globally influential French fashion industry respect the charter and how will modelling and fashion professionals define “extreme thinness”?
About a dozen blogs pop up in a search for Pro Ana. Be Perfect, Be Pro Ana suggests that the ideal of ultra-slimness has become a subject of obsessional pride among some girls and that fashion magazines are their inspiration and bible.
“Stop talking with your stomach!” the blog orders. “You’re nothing but a fat, bloody cow! If you eat, all discipline will be lost. Is that what you want? To return to the fat cow that you are? I will force you to read fashion magazines and look at those perfect bodies which mock you…” (Lichfield) Website
Eating disorders won’t be going away anytime soon, however it is possible to lessen their domino affect. That can be done by banning Pro-Ana/Mia/Ed websites.
What Are Eating Disorders?
Here are some key facts that help to recognize an eating disorder. An eating disorder is defined as the compulsion to eat, or avoid eating, which negatively affects one’s physical and mental health. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating are the most common eating disorders. Eating disorders affect 10 million women, and 1 million men in America. Additionally up to 19% of college aged women in America are bulimic. Eating disorders are everywhere. They do not discriminate between gender, race, or religion.
Anorexia nervosa is the deliberate and sustained weight loss driven by a fear of becoming overweight and having a distorted body image. That means that when an individual suffering for anorexia nervosa looks in the mirror they see themselves extremely overweight when in fact their body is fatally thin and wasting away. Anorexia nervosa is characterized by abnormally low body weight, equal or less than 85% of normal weight for age and height, or a body mass index (BMI) of 17.5 or lower. This girl’s BMI was 11. The average BMI of American women is 24. Clearly a low BMI is an indication of anorexia. Also, for menstruating females, the absence of three consecutive menstrual cycles is an indication of anorexia nervosa.
Another eating disorder is called binge eating disorder. Binge eating is uncontrolled bursts of overeating.
Lastly is bulimia nervosa, which is a recurring pattern of binge eating followed by guilt and the use of compensatory behaviors such as crash dieting, over exercising, self-induced vomiting, and purging by laxatives, to compensate for the excessive caloric intake.
People suffering from anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder and bulimia nervosa should not be told to “just eat” or “just eat normally”. A person with an eating disorder uses food and weight to give them a sense of “control”. To get well, they should seek therapy, work with a nutritionist, or go into residential treatment to discover the underlying issues as to why they feel the need to have this control. Eating disorder specialists can help disordered individuals establish healthy eating habits and find happiness in their lives.
Eating Disorder Research
Many great resources to learn more about eating disorders and get help are online on sites such as nationaleatingdisorders.org. Unfortunately, most sufferers are not directing themselves to these types of sites. Instead they spend hours browsing the hundreds of pro-Ana (anorexia), pro-Mia (bulimia), and pro-Ed (eating disorders) sites. So what can be done? Track pro-Ana/Mia/ED sites and reach out to the individuals who are visiting the sites. This could be done by the government who could set up a program to offer complimentary help.
Why Do Eating Disorders Occur?
Eating disorders can be understood in the context of experienced trauma, with many eating problems beginning as survival strategies rather than vanity or obsession with appearance. Violence, alcoholism, drug and physical abuse in the family often trigger eating disorders. The media may also be a significant influence on eating disorders through its impact on values, norms, and image standards accepted by modern society such as Hollywood’s display of unrealistic standards of beauty that makes the public feel incredibly inadequate and dissatisfied, forcing people to strive for “perfection”. Whatever the cause, an eating disorder is not a subject to be taken lightly. A person suffering needs to get help. The person with an eating disorder is unlikely to reach out and get help for him or herself, so YOU must help them. Find a way to help and save a life. Take a stand against eating disorders, donate, and help others in need. Some day they will thank you.
Works Cited
Lichfield, John. “France bans websites promoting anorexia ‘cult'” The Independent World. 16 Apr. 2008. 24 Nov. 2008 <http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/france-bans-websites-promoting-anorexia-cult-809617.html>.
Stevens, Timothy. “France Bans Pro-Anorexia Sites and Blogs.” Switched. 16 Apr. 2008. 24 Nov. 2008 <http://www.switched.com/2008/04/16/france-bans-pro-anorexia-sites-and-blogs/>.
Zwerling, Elizabeth. “Web Opens Window on Eating Disorders.” Women’s News. 16 Sept. 2003. 24 Nov. 2008 <http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1529/context/archive>.
Mit 19 Jahren war ich auch magersüchtig. 9 Monate lang. Aber ich fühlte, daß da etwas nicht stimmt, und ich war nie glücklich. Dann gab ich auf und akzeptierte, dick zu sein. Ich aß und aß und auf einmal war ich satt. Aber ich war NICHT dicker! Jetzt bin ich 55 Jahre alt und habe mich immer satt gegessen. Aber ich bin immer noch schlank. Ich bin 1,64 groß und wiege 55 Kilo. Ich bin zufrieden.
IF YOU ARE NOT PRO-ANA WHICH CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT THEN DON’T MARK YOUR PAGE AS SUCH!!
@Skinny:
Shut the fuck up and get a life! Are you afraid, your little world could end while you read something like that? Are you afraid to see the other side of the whole disgusting pro-ana bullshit? You are sick, girl! Talk to a doctor!
And another thing: Did you really think, you could find the pro-ana community by simply typing “pro-ana” into google? If it was that eyas, there wouldn’t exist thousands of pro-ana pages, because they would be banned. How stupid can one be?!?
I was searching the site for ways to confront a friend about Anorexia when I stumbled across the term “pro-ana” it broke my heart to see these sites that not only condone such a disease, but are proud of it. Seeing these pictures of girls that are already far too skinny, and hearing them talk about how they want to be even thinner, it makes me so sad.
One of my best friends is slowly becoming too thin. She rarely eats, and takes diet pills and caffeine pills all the time to keep herself thin. I have watched her go from a beautiful curvy woman to a shell of what she once was, and I an more than concerned.
As an american woman I completely understand insecurities, but to starve yourself seems so extreme to me. And these sites that tell girls that they are too fat when they are emaciated… It is terrifying.
I think your post here is brave, and inspiring. I hope that at least a few others that are battling anorexia stumble upon it and take it to heart, as I have. I think that you will change lives with the words you have written, and I hope you know how brave you are to share your story.
I know you don’t know me, but as it sounds like you are doing your best to stay a recovered anorexic, with knowledge and common sense, you might be interested in the book Gaining by Aimee Lui. Written by a ex-ana, she researches and interviews quite a few people in different stages of the overall ED conditions. I, myself, have nearly gotten to the point of full-on anorexia, all except for the fact that I never reached an ‘underweight’ bmi, although I looked like a stick, but I won’t get into that, anyway, I’ve read the book twice, the second time underlining and making notes in the margins of where I was so surprised that so many things that she talked about (the reasons behind ED’s, the shocking surveys, the truths, not ‘pro-ana’ bullsh*t) related to me, and I now have a much clearer knowledge of the worst struggle I have ever had to go through, and that I still struggle with on a daily basis, that it seemed no doctor/phyciatrist/therapist I visited either wanted to tell me about, or even personally knew about themselves. It helped me a lot, to feel in control (cuz ana is pretty much about being able to control SOMETHING in life), even in the way that I was the most knowledgeable about my own condition.
Just thought I’d make the suggestion 😉 Keep moving forward, girl, sounds like you’ve got the right idea.
Ciao
P.S
I like the name of your post, I think it might be a little misleading at first, but your forward clearly states WHY it’s called pro-ana. And to the unfortunate souls that search for true ‘pro-ana’ sites, all I can say them, is that apparently they haven’t gotten to where you are, now.
-Ashenta
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Actually my weight has gone up and down several times since college, but a few years ago I finally got down to a weight I am happy with by walking and eating more healthy. I feel we just get a lot of mixed messages about how we should look, and sometimes even kind advice can hurt others. People need to be careful when they tell a friend she looks too big, because sometimes those comments might not have such a great impact. Friends should help each other be anorexia tips, and be supportive.
Personally, I am extremely pro-ana. I know the dangers I am experiencing them but I am fighting because I want to be skinny. Maybe I’ll recover one day. Just not today.